1 year on Testosterone

It’s been a really long time since I’ve wrote anything! Almost a year. Definitely too long, and I have a lot of regret about not documenting my changes more.  There’s a handful of excuses why I haven’t updated but I’m not going to list them. It’s honestly just laziness, I have a very limited amount of self discipline. My regret is more about  not writing, not so much the part about saying how much hairier I’ve gotten. That’s fine if you want to do that, there’s just so many guys doing it that I don’t think there’s much of a need for one more.  Although most people, including myself, like to look back on how far they’ve come, how much they’ve grown. This is supposed to be for me. A journal is a lot like talk therapy, helping yourself figure things out. I want to be writing about everything in my head. So many thoughts are just lost, because I don’t write them down. I could say that will change right now, but I’ll be lying.  I can work on it though.

It has been a year since I started taking testosterone. It seems like it flew by. I guess a year is a milestone but I’m not sure I feel that way. Don’t get me wrong I’m extremely grateful that I’m able to take hormones and medically transition! I guess I’m just not completely satisfied with myself yet(and probably won’t ever be). I’m sure I’m not the only guy in the middle of transition that feels this way, of course. I know, I just have to be patient. I have changed enormously, for the better. My voice has dropped and yes I am quite hairy( not so much on the face, it’s still filling in). Nobody mistakes me for a girl anymore and I’m starting to feel more comfortably with myself. I still have a lot to work on though. Not just with changing physically but mentally, becoming a better person and just being happy. I’m still not yet the person I want to be.

Also it’s really hard to stay optimistic about “top” surgery too. A part of me thinks IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! But I know realistically it will, someday, it’s unfortunately not going to happen as quick as I’d like it too. But it will! I have to be positive, look at the bright side. I don’t know why that’s so hard for me. It’s difficult to change how your brain is used to thinking.

3rd shot, 4 weeks on Testosterone

I skipped a few weeks on updating on my progress because there wasn’t much going on. It’s been 4 weeks and today is my 3rd shot of T. I’m on a low dose of 100 mg every 2 weeks but I’m going to start taking 50mg every week so my hormone levels are more stable. I’ve been getting headaches a couple days before my next injection.

I haven’t noticed a lot of changes, just a couple. I’m getting a lot of peach fuzz on my face. That was surprising, I didn’t expect that to happen so soon. Yeah I know, it’s just peach fuzz but I’ve heard transguys talk about not getting peach fuzz until 5 or 6 months into transition. It’s really noticeable, I may have to start shaving sooner than I thought I’d have to. I’ll probably have a pretty full beard. Unfortunately this likely means I’ll be really hairy everywhere else too. I’m not really looking forward to back hair! You have to take the good with the bad I guess. My throat has been scratchy at times. Some words come out deeper than I expect but no real significant drop yet. Oh yeah, acne.Yep the acne has got worse. I expected that though. I used to break out before my period every month. Now it doesn’t clear up, it’s just always there. I do have a topical gel that keeps it under control, just hope it goes away in a few years. I guess after my “puberty”. That’s about it for changes so far.

Don’t assume!

When I tell people that I’m transitioning, I think the impression they get is that I want to become a man. Even though I’ve tried to explain that I’ve always been a man on the inside. I don’t look like a girl, I don’t feel like a girl and don’t act like a girl either. I guess this was the gender I was assigned at birth so that’s all they know. I’m just tired of being underestimated because I’m a “girl”. It’s just their narrow-minded way of thinking, to say a girl isn’t as strong as a guy. She can be if she wants to be! Granted the testosterone helps guys but even now before I’ve started HRT(hormone replacement therapy) I’m stronger than some guys! People do too much assuming! Bugs me.